Tag Archives: anxiety

Holy guacamole! – 36 week update

7 May

'Avocadoes' from Elsa4Sound on Flikr

Baby’s gonna be here around the end of the month!!!! Eeeek!  I still have so much left on my checklist to get around to doing!

Last weekend was the big baby shower in the town where I live.  Omg, so fun!  My aunt got us into a nice cafe and bought cheesecake and we played games and omg there were so many hugs… and can I just say, I’ve got some really crafty friends – I’ve received four hand made blankets and the cutest baby bonnet for baby!  (And a Jedi Build-a-Bear!)  I also had several friends say they’d come over and help me decorate and/or paint the nursery and a friend who got her mom, who happens to be an L.C. to offer “whatever nursing items” I may want – score!

That was last weekend, so today I had to finally go and make returns and start to reconcile what I still need from the registry.  I got a lot of wonderful things at the baby showers, but unfortunately a couple of multiples and impractical items (like 3 identical bulb aspirators, or long-sleeve bodysuits in newborn size when I live in south Texas and baby’s due in early June…)  First I stopped at Babies-r-Us – grooooooooosss! I was there for about an hour and a half and honestly, I should have sold my gift card to someone walking in the door… I ended up overpaying for a diaper bag (the entire diaper bag shelf was unmarked with prices, but it is cute) and was quite disappointed to find that all of the stuff that I really wanted that I knew I could buy from B-R-U, is only available online… I did decide on a pack-n-play/bassinet that I could use a coupon on (seriously, their coupons have a crazy list of exemptions), so it wasn’t a total bust, but I would have never been in there if I didn’t have the gift card, so… eh.

That wasn’t my only stop… I needed to go to Target.   The guy at the  customer service desk was really helpful and patient.  He processed 3 different return types for me- one with their “bought from registry” list, one with the receipt (yay! gift receipt!) and one with about 10 different items (including two of the aspirators) that had no record of being bought at the store (no receipt, not marked as registry, but luckily everything eked out to just under their $70 dollar limit for this kind of return) – then checked to see if one of my recent packages from online could be returned in store (it couldn’t), and then put about 10 gift cards all on one gift card.  Whoa, that’s service!  I walked around FOR-EV-VER, but it ended up that only thing I got for baby was a diaper changing pad and an extra pack-and-play/bassinet sheet… I did some things for my “hospital bag” which I’m probably going to pack tomorrow morning.  I have some interesting things going in there, so that’s a whole other post.

I’ve just spotted a huge spider in my house of a worrisome size… so… I’ll finish this later? I need to Google this little guy… *le sigh* I think we need to get an exterminator out here… Great, another thing to add to the checklist…


Bits and pieces

25 Apr

I’m a little all over the place right now.  Please forgive me.  I’m craving a chocolate malt made with high quality ice cream and I’m only finally breaking radio silence to hopefully distract myself.

I felt I had made so much progress to get back on track with my numbers, but it’s so easy to slip.  Last week not so good.  I missed at least two doses of my NPH, left my meter at home one day and missed nearly a whole day of testing and the corresponding bolus insulin, didn’t do a lick of physical activity outside of walking to and from my car…

I hate myself for letting myself and the little one down.  I hate that I know that the MFM doctor isn’t going to be encouraging, only stern… I hate that when I’m feeling down, I only want to indulge some more… which leads us right back into the ugly cycle.  Like a whirlpool, I get sucked in and down, down, down.

I can’t bottom out though.  I have lil Salty to think about.

Oh little creature of gentle nudges, random cases hiccups, rolling position changes and relentless bed-time Jazzercize, I love you.  You are so precious to me.  I’m going to work to be the best mom I can be, which means being the healthiest I can be.  I promise.

Blood pressure has been up a bit and I’ve noticed “significant” swelling in my feet.  I hadn’t noticed anything major until this last weekend.  Friday at Dr. V’s office, my BP was 113/60.  Not bad.  I hadn’t noticed any swelling, but she did remark, oh look at your little feet! And then I noticed that yes, my flintstone feet were looking a bit more vienna sausage than usual.  Hrmm… THEN all weekend, they did swell.  Probably a bit because I was sedentary.  It happens… so this morning at Dr. McMFM’s my BP was 130/66 and my feet, while not as badly swollen as they had been, had no defined ankle.  I ask her about it and she said that 1) I had no protein in my urine (thank the heavens!), and 2) my BP is always around that number when they record it at that  office… Um what?  It’s usually around 115-120, at least since my sugars have been in better control and I quit my second job… I suspect it’s the White Coat Syndrome and my distrust of that office that might be a factor… but I’m still concerned.

So yeah, I was totally at the MFM’s today… after an appointment only just Friday with the OB.  Yes.  It’s happening.  I get to do Non-Stress Tests with them both.  As in twice a week.  Dr. V brought it up at my appointment with her last Friday… apparently in the transfer of my file or whatever communication they have between offices, Dr. McMFM said that she wants me doing NSTs at her office, too… as in, I should do them twice a week.  Immediately.  SUUUUUUUUUCK!  You know it’s fishy when your own doctor is trying to explain that she wants you to just go with it and then goes to say, “I don’t know, maybe it’s the money…”  WHAT?  Not exactly reassuring, Dr. V.

Also, these Non-stress tests are totally stressful.  Possibly contributing to why my BP was up a bit this morning.  I may have mentioned that Dr. McMFM’s office has these horrible recliners that they use instead of the standard exam “table”… they’re weird.  And for a person who is under 5 foot, it’s nigh impossible to get comfortable.  I spent about 40 minutes while they tried to get baby “on” where I couldn’t breathe fully because my neck was thrust forward and my boobs were choking me to death.   Finally a nurse had the idea to have me sit up.

Also, Salty!Baby is a night owl.  She seems to be most energetic when I’m trying to sleep… at night.  Not at 8:30 a.m.  So they had to “buzz” her awake and made me drink two cups of cold water while trying to maintain my supine position (seriously, get some straws).  Well, then she’s awake… and wants to party.  They couldn’t maintain her heart rate on the monitor because she kept evading the monitor.  *sigh*  I was hooked up for over an hour before they could get a good tracing on her.  Sad thing was, Cindy even straight up said that baby was looking good, but it didn’t count until they could clearly read that on the monitor.  *facepalm*  Machines are only half of medicine.

Note to self: MFM visits correlate with whirlpools of self-loathing and neglect… remember to seek out another MFM for future pregnancies and to send critical letter via registered mail postpartum.


4 Nov

I’m trying not to think about it too much, but I have to admit it right now that I’m nervous about seeing this new doctor today.

I’ve reminding myself, that no matter what happens, it’s only because from the moment I knew about the little one, I wanted nothing but the best for him or her. (Little one, do you hear me? You’re keeping your momma sane.) If I want a healthy baby, the best option for me, in my current situation, is to find a competent provider who I can feel at ease with. I can do this. I am not a wimp. Doctors are not monsters. I can and I will be in control.