Fluffy Bunnies, anyone?

25 Mar

I’m still here.  I’m still alive.

Trying to process today.

Saw Dr. McMFM and did the numbers-download dance. That actually went well… considering my attitude and general drowsiness.

Went to work. Did some work. Then sat down to mention that I had upcoming appointments with one of my bosses (long story short: in order to justify the creation of my position, I find myself working in two departments, thus two “bosses”) who happens to be the SOCIOLOGIST and the MOM, and those viewpoints all culminates into the CYNICAL ACADEMIC.  I admire her, she is so friggin awesome. But she kinda scares me with all this conflict that I know will come up. I can read a chapter of What to Expect…without getting worked up, but I can’t leave a conversation about pregnancy/babies and work with her without being scared completely shit-less.  She’s really good at the reality check… like the one that I probably won’t be able to “afford” a full-twelve week leave (*sigh*, and the one about how asking for accommodations to pump milk for my child will inevitably lead to questions of how my time is spent (which is something I’ve been trying to prove is not what people think).  She could work on her fluffy-bunnys-and-rainbows technique, she really could.

The part I hate most is that these conversations make me  feel bad for being the post-feminist, arm-chair feminist who wouldn’t mind being a stay-at-home-mom… which then makes me upset that my husband is barely getting back on the motivation wagon with the whole bringing-home-the-bacon-thing.  Which then makes me feel like a bad feminist and a worse wife.  *sigh*

So that put a damper on my day, and then I didn’t do my HypnoBabies affirmations at lunch like I’d planned because I spent most of my lunch hour talking to her… and today of all days, I really needed the positive boost.

Well, I’m going to channel my frustration into doing some research on baby bottles and breast pumps while listening to my Affirmations.

Edit (about 1.5 hours later): Man, sometimes you just gotta write it out… I feel a lot better right now.  P.S. I’ve settled on a pump; will worry about bottles later.

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