5 Feb

I’ve been putting off writing about the visit to the Maternal-Fetal Specialist because I feel really conflicted about it.

Reasons why I disliked my visit:

First of all, I dread going to the doctor – any doctor.  I hate being touched and poked and prodded.  I hate paying to wait for hours to spend less than 15 minutes with someone who is only going to do the aforementioned hateful actions.  Also, I have a bit of white coat syndrome and all the pretending that I’m tough before and after visits means jack-squat because in the end, I rarely stick up for myself and instead just get upset on the inside and become passive-aggressive.

Secondly, I hate that after years of being diabetic, there are few people who can effectively convey your diabetes “plan” in education classes.  I understand that most diabetic people only need the basics to begin with, but when I could teach the class on food choices better than the facilitator (this person could not have possibly a certified diabetes educator), there are problems.  In particular: if “all carbs are equal”, then explaining that a corn tortilla is a worse carb/starch choice than a flour one “because of the corn”, is stupid.  Get me a real nutritionist or at least some current hand-outs.  (There is no reason to give us a hand-out then to tell us that it’s the “old way” of doing things and that we should do the math – mine is so covered with notes that I wrote in or someone at some point wrote in that I don’t remember what is referring to what anymore.  Please just make a new hand-out.)

Thirdly, I’ve noticed that environment has everything to do with my comfort level in an office.  They had lay-z-boy style recliners as examination seats in at least two exam rooms (I know, that’s how many I was shuffled through)… it was weird.  Even though I hate the thought of stirrups, a recliner is not going to make me automatically “comfortable”.  To me, it was just unsettling.  (This might be because I’m rather short and I’ve never found recliners comfortable – ever.  My legs already stick out straight in front of me if I sit back.)  Also, the conference room in which they held the education class was barely bigger than the exam rooms and could not accommodate all of the patients there for the class comfortably.  That’s rather pathetic.

Lastly, it looks like I won’t be able to extend the length of time between visits.  When I met Dr. Endocrinologist and he immediately wanted to put me in the hospital, he understood I was upset, let me have my moment, explained that I could not safely go without the hospitalization and found a way to compromise with me on the length of stay (two nights instead of three so long as I met some criteria).  Dr. McMFM didn’t ask why I felt like I should ask if I could have two weeks in between visits; she didn’t explain that she had no way of allowing me to report numbers in via phone, fax or email; she didn’t even mince her words when she stated, “well if your numbers had been lower early on, maybe…”  I walked out feeling like some failure.  I know that I can’t help that I have a genetic predisposition to this condition, just liked I know that what happens to my body and my baby my diabetes is largely a result of my choices.  Seriously, I get that.  I’ve made some DUMB choices in my life, but in the last few months, I feel I’ve been making the best choices I could, with the tools I had.  It’s not my fault that my OB didn’t refer me out right away, it’s not my fault the endocrinologist didn’t give me blood glucose goals closer to the ones Dr. McMFM wants. Seriously, that statement was only 1/3 of the way through my experience with them and just ruined the rest of my day.

Reasons I feel I should just be over it:

I knew going in that this doctor is not about making you feel “good”. Dr. McMFM’s stance is purely medical and slanted to the “you’re a baby incubator”-side of things.  Seriously, she barely looked up from stack of charts she held and she rattled off an explanation of why diabetes in pregnancy is not good for the baby so quickly I only caught every third word.  I saw the actual doctor for less than 5 minutes out of the entire 4 hours I was there.

I know I’ve got to stop feeling indignant when my experiences with medical professionals isn’t magic.  They’re doing a job.

I know I went in there grumpy because I hate driving on that highway to get there and I hate doctor’s visits, was made grumpier by the lack of attention to me, the speshul snowflake, and my speshul wishes and then made even grumpier by my picking on particulars.

Things I appreciated:

I was able to schedule a follow-up with relative ease.  They made all of the class participants do this while we were waiting for the others to be processed with the nurse and then the doc so that we could meet together as one class.  It filled the time a bit and meant there wasn’t a line at the scheduling desk after class .  Good move.  Also, I was able to actually get an appointment for Monday morning, which, since I have another appointment (maybe the last with Dr. Endocrine for awhile?) in the afternoon, works for me.

I was given a clear target for my blood glucose numbers.  I do not care for some of the particulars of the diet plan (seriously, they want me to eat a snack right before bed that has the same nutritional requirements as the breakfast they’re allowing me) nor do I care for the way they presented it (really old hand-out, see above, and an emphasis on processed foods, ) but I can already see that sticking as closely as I can handle will give me numbers in the targets they want.

I guess that’s all I really have to say about the visit.  I hope I can stand the next one a little better – I get to have another ultrasound, but at least I get to know the sex of the baby.

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2 Responses to “”

  1. Coura February 5, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    This is a great post!

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