Archive | November, 2010

Somethings been on my mind

30 Nov

I’ve been having weird dreams. A good dream followed by a dire one, then another positive one… but in the morning it’s the bad ones that stick… One this weekend had harm come to my unborn baby because of my own actions – a side effect I think of too much sugar and a dash of diabetes-care paranoia.

So, in a round about way, this has been on my mind. I try not to be too political because I am really quite moderate, though I consider myself liberal leaning.

But die-hard anti-choice protestors scare me.

I’m freaking Catholic. A lapsed Catholic, but Catholic none the less. I believe there is a soul that is growing within me and that it is my duty to nurture that soul and teach it about the beauty that is God and that we are all brothers and sisters on this earth and we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us… but I live in this nation. In this world. And this world, though imbued with God’s works, is also a world of choice and those choices have resulted in ugly, ugly things. Things like disease and ignorance and rape. We live in a world where we are nourished in our bodies enough where girls are hitting puberty at 11 and while their bodies are capable of conceiving, their bodies and minds are not always prepared for carrying and raising a child. And poverty, ignorance and mental illness leave other women without the support structure to raise children on their own.

I love my God – our God – THE God, because I have faith that we can all find purpose and meaning. And I know my church teaches that having an abortion is wrong. It is taking a life that never had a chance to fight for itself. That life never got it’s chance to exercise free-will and leave an impact on the greater world.

But it is not my right to stop others from making decisions that could save their lives or mental well-being. I hope I never have to make that decision. I pray I am never asked to terminate and I hope that the people I interact with would never turn to termination of a viable pregnancy as a form of family planning or birth control, but I can’t believe that I should force even those people into getting illegal, unmonitored abortions. There are sadly valid reasons for termination and it’s not my place to decide for others.

I can lead by example, I can be the best Christian I can be and do good works so that others see the way and learn of the value of all lives. But to create a dangerous situation for the exceptions is a work of evil. And that’s just how I see it.



24 Nov

I’ve been so busy in the last few days that I haven’t had the chance to talk about what I’ve been up to.

Right now I’m still not feeling pregnant… but I haven’t dwelt on that because like I said before, I’ve been really busy. Last weekend I saw the latest Harry Potter movie, went to a Native American inter-tribal Pow Wow, and went to see the Dresden Dolls with Girl in a Coma with some friends in another city. And since then, it’s been work, work, work.

Tonight my husband and I will drive to see my family for Thanksgiving and tomorrow, I get to finally tell them. I’m so excited!

P.S. – I’m thankful all my supportive friends and family and friends who are basically family. What are you thankful for?

Low Blood Sugar Rant

18 Nov

I’m going to say right now, that my blood sugar is actually really low at the moment and I wrote this blog to stay sane while I eat my snack and wait for my glucose level to come back up.  If this gets a little weird, it’s ’cause I have a hard time being coherent when I’m freaking out because my blood sugar has dropped.  It’s not just physiological, for me, it’s also emotional

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Thinking Critically

18 Nov

As an aspiring-doula, I know I’m lumped together with the “crunchy granola” approach to pregnancy, birth and parenting.  This doesn’t necessarily have to be true.  I can be a woman’s advocate and believe in holistic, alternative measures for pain-relief without blindly accepting what I learn in ONE weekend of training or ONE book.  If I want to serve other women, I have to check my bias at the door, I have to be familiar with the science and biology behind the processes, I should understand the studies done on different treatments, different circumstances.  I want to be an open vessel that will be open to accepting different belief systems and different viewpoints.  I want to be a river that can change course and adapt to different circumstances that arrive..  I want to be a marble column for the women I work with and their families to lean on.

Okay, I’m getting a  little fluffy.  But what I said is true – for me at least.  This is why I want to study Sociology with a focus on service and continue to volunteer until a time when I can take on doula-ing as my full-time profession.

The reason I’m even bringing this up is because I read a lot of blogs these days related to pregnancy and childbirth.  Some are more emotionally focused, some are more about the alternatives to the medical-model, some focus on studies that support the work a doula does,  and ONE is by an ob/gyn who is VERY critical of natural childbirth – particularly unassisted – and other “crunchy” approaches and viewpoints.

Her blog is The Skeptical OB (  Her name is Amy Tuteur, she’s apparently a practicing OB and she published a book in the early 90s on pregnancy and childbirth – it is NOT on my list of books to read.  I don’t like her.  I hate that she’s often demeaning of women who choose not to turn to analgesics in labor and of doulas.  I hate that she attacks the people behind certain movements before she will argue why she believes they are wrong.  But  it’s important to me to see the other side of the issue.  Even if she makes me angry.  When the blogger is being particularly ugly in my eyes, I just remind myself that there are doctors who feel the way she does and I will have to be ready to deal with them… Or I just click the little red x in the right hand corner (why yes, I’m a PC) and I think on the subject myself.  Unfortunately there aren’t any other NCB-critial blogs that I can find that update regularly.

So before I leave you today, here’s another blog that encourages others to be critical of what they hear/read about childbirth:  Lamaze International’s Science & Sensibility (  In the last 7 days they have published blog articles on understanding meta-analyses and on how root-cause analyses help some hospitals understand what led to maternal deaths.  Their new community manager, Kimmelin Hull, is a Physician Assistant and Lamaze-certified Childbirth Educator.  The blog’s goal is “to provide professional, evidence-based articles and discussion about topics relating to pregnancy, birth and early parenting.”  Lamaze International has an agenda, just like any other blog, but I don’t see the ad hominem attacks like I read in some blogs, just research-supported blogging.  I like it!

I Want to “Feel Pregnant”

17 Nov

I want to “feel pregnant”.  I had dull, achy “cramping” around when I should have had my period.  And I’ve had intermittent nausea and plenty of tiredness.   And some days my breast just HURT.  I’m even getting a bit pudgier (I’m definitely going to have to buy some maternity or at least bigger pants within the next month).

None of this feels definitive.

I want to feel him or her move.  I want to see my belly grow in that way where I know it’s not just me being fat or gassy.

I guess I’m feeling impatient.

I’m Getting A Little Too Good at Deflection

16 Nov

I lied yesterday. I didn’t straight-out tell someone that I wasn’t pregnant, but I continued the conversation in a way that made her believe otherwise.

The person I deceived: my mother-in-law.

I feel HORRIBLE! She got me in a chat on Facebook and one moment it’s, “hey, did you see those vacation photos so-and-so put up?” and the next it was, “so when are you and the hubby going to have babies?” There was a chirping cricket moment there and I replied, “one of these days…”

The problem is, I’m not even sure why I’m don’t want to tell my in-laws yet. Most of my close friends know. It’s not like she’d run and tell someone at my job (I’m still trying to decide how to delicately tell one of my department chairs that not only was I aware that I was pregnant while we were talking about the full-time status, I’m also likely to be on maternity leave during the most hectic days of the Fall semester.) I’m not even worried about losing this pregnancy – there’s always a chance, but I’m not worried about it like I was in the first few weeks.

I just don’t want to share with them at this point.

Honestly, at this point I’m not sharing because I’m worried that my filter-less father-in-law is going to say something stupid. Believe me, he does that A LOT.  And I’ve got thin skin and wear my emotions on my sleeve.  It never goes over well.

That doesn’t excuse me from telling the truth.  I could have given her a fully honest answer.  Now, I can’t take it back.  I cannot redo that conversation. I will live with the guilt for a few more days, and then when we tell them this weekend, I will probably feel a bit of shame, too. It’s not that bad.  I will live and now that I’ve gotten it off my back, I can mentally move.  Hopefully she won’t feel hurt.

I Wish I Were Famous

15 Nov

Josh and Anna Duggar of 19 Kids and Counting fame are expecting their second child.  They have gossip magazines announcing it for them and I hear they were featured on a segment of the Today show recently and they even told their whole family in a set up for a TV special.  WHAT?  She was 10 weeks as of last week, making her 11 weeks sometime this week… I’m 11 weeks.   That means we’re due around the same time… she’s stealing my thunder.  *pout*

I’ll live.  I swear.  I’m not really jealous.  It’s just that I can’t help but wish I could be famous… think of the free swag for me!  And for the baby! And the chance to push my own agenda – do my beliefs even count as an agenda – am I that influential?

Then again, I’d be the celebrity arrested for beating on a paparazzo for violating my children’s personal space, so maybe it’s best that I’m not a celebrity mama.  I guess the reason I don’t need to be famous is because I’m a bitch about personal space.

Quip of the Day

11 Nov

Spotted at Jezebel on a post discussing the show Teen Mom:

“Grandchildren are your reward for not killing your children.”

Having Cravings

11 Nov

My cravings so far haven’t been too bad… or too weird… yet.  I haven’t wanted pickles dipped in peanut butter or other crazy combinations.

I’ve been craving German-style potato salad, served cold.  I want the vinegar!  (The bacon makes it more awesome though.)

And sauerkraut – hot. Preferably as part of a rueben sandwich.  Again, vinegary (or salty, depending on it’s preparation).

And seeded, light rye bread (I just need a rueben to get through the week!)  or a good hot, fresh out the oven sourdough, made from a starter, not from yeast.  I need to try more bread recipes.

And eggs, scrambled or hard cooked.  I had 4 on Sunday morning.

And rosemary.  I put a metric ton of dried rosemary on my chicken yesterday.  I wanted something woody and fragrant.  Maybe I’ll buy one of those “Christmas” potted rosemary bushes.  Or just hang out in the seasonal section of Hobby Lobby.

And the filling from Hostess Chocolate cupcakes… It’s the worst craving and of course, I caved into it today by eating the whole 2-pack and now I feel sick.  I didn’t want the cupcakes – just the cream filling.  (Make of that what you will Freud! It wasn’t a Twinkie!)

I have mostly avoided colas and coffee since I learned I was expecting and I don’t miss it as much as I did in the first few days.  I’ve incorporated a small amount of iced tea (trying to figure less than a 24 fl oz cup with ice/day) back into my diet, but it’s mostly because I’m getting picky about water.  Believe me, I’m trying to get enough water in, too.  I challenged the baby-daddy to see who could consistently finish two 32oz bottles or more a day.

I wish I had healthier cravings – as it is, my cravings are working against me.  I’ll survive.

I’m Running Out of Short Titles and It’s Only Been a Few Weeks

9 Nov

I saw Dr. Modern-Huxtable on Saturday.  (Again, still amazed that I was offered a Saturday appointment.)  His office was on an upper floor of a medical office building downtown.  I could tell walking in that the practice hadn’t been there for very long.  The office space itself was pretty stark.  The walls were that generic beige and the chairs could have been from any waiting room in the last 15 years.  There was a television playing some informational videos and there were magazines on the few side tables.  The waiting room had no posters or “art” on the walls.  I even noticed a dearth of those nice notes from the admin. staff like, “Call 24 hours in advance for cancellations, or we will own your firstborn!”  Not a bad sign, but it felt odd to me. Continue reading